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The “Middle Wife.”

10 Comments 01 April 2011

by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years.

I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.

Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater…

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.

First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, “Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!” Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning)

My Dad called the middle wife.

She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man.

They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this (then Erica lies down with her back against the wall).

And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! (this kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)

Then the middle wife starts saying “push, push,” and “breathe, breathe.”

They started counting, but never even got past ten.

Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Your Comments

10 Comments so far

  1. That. Is. Amazing. :D sharing this!

  2. Heather says:

    Oh my goodness! I love this so much!!!

  3. Rachel says:

    OMG! That is the cutest story I’ve ever heard! LOL

  4. Liz says:

    This is the best perspective on the “natural-ness” of birth I have ever heard! It actually made me cry! I hope I pass this type of knowledge of birth to my daughter.

  5. Eric Walker says:

    So good!

    My favorite part:

    First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord

    Excellent post!

  6. Holly says:

    That was SO sweet it brought tears to my eyes!! How beautiful! I am sure her parents would have LOVED to have had that on camera too! Too bad you didn’t have yours! I would make it a habit to videotape all show and tells from now on :) It can be an awesome teaching tool for children AND can possibly catch something absolutely unrepeatable :) I hope you called her parents to share and they were able to get her to give them her show and tell at home and get it on videotape that way! :)

    PS.. by teaching tool I mean showing the kids their show and tells and they can see how they look, act and sound to others. Pointing out things like “umms, ahhs and ‘like’” can help them become better public speakers! :)

  7. Anna says:

    That’s awesome! It kind of reminds me of how my daughter told her teacher she was nuts when she implied that I had gone to the hospital to have our son. I think her exact question was “did you visit your mom and brother in the hospital?” My daughter (Kindergarten age at the time) goes, “No way! My mommy and brother were very healthy. They didn’t need a hospital. Ms Nancy helped them, and everybody was very happy.”

    Change starts at home. Our kids will know everything they need to be informed when it’s their turn.

  8. heather says:

    yep! thats pretty much how it happened here too, except the middle wife was late and daddy had to put on gloves.

    The middle wife showed up 20 minutes before my baby did.

    I cant wait for my baby to witness his next sibling! I will urge him to tell me how it happened!!! And I WILL have the Flip ready.

  9. Meghan D says:

    That is such an amazing post! I could not stop laughing at how adorable it is through a child’s perspective, and how wonderful it is that a child can understand natural birth in such a sweet, innocent way :) Thanks for sharing this!!

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